when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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