i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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