You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
