remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
