this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
