she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
