see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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