Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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