Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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