Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
