I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
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