Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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