I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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