i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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