2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
