Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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