I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
