I'll bet she douches with gravy.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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