i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
