I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
