My brain says no but my pants say off.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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