My friends, they love my intelligence
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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