Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
