If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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