Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
