The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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