Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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