You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
