No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
