As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
