Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
