she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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