we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I love you. Go after that dick
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
