Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
my poor anus
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
