So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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