I need help removing her.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
