apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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