somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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