I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
