What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
