Swine flu. Run for my life!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
