Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
