but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
