I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
