I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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