I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
