Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
