Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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