Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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