Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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