That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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