i jhust puked up my retainher.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
