I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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