it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
