why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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