So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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