When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
this is an emotional support booty call
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
