I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
