I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
