Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
