your room smells of hookers.
And success
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
