Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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