before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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