This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
