Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
