Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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