we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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