people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
