Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize